Lumberjack vs. Vampire

It was a long night at the lake in the Yukon Territory

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Photo credit: Darrin Atkins

Lumberjack Paul was exhausted. He had spent all day chopping down big dead trees along Lake Dale in the Yukon Territory in Canada.

“Time for some dinner by the fire," he said to Sandi, his trusty female Canadian Eskimo qimmit dog.

She yelped with excitement.

“We sure did a lot of work today," he said as he walked past all the felled tree trunks, stumps, and branches.

He stepped over his big pile of axes.

“I’m looking forward to Maureen giving me a long back rub when we get back to the cabin," he said, referring to his lovely wife.

Lumberjack Paul lit a big fire and got out his skillet.

“Let’s heat up this fried chicken and biscuits that Maureen packed for us. “

Sandi barked in anticipation.

A note dropped out of the food bag, so he picked it up. It was from Maureen.

“My lovely Lumberjack Paul," it read. “Be careful out there. When you get home I have a wonderful morning planned for you. Your favorite morning, if you know what I mean.”

Lumberjack Paul smiled a big manly smile. And he and his trusty dog ate their dinner by the fire.

The Yukon Territory was quite lovely during the summer. The air was fresh and warm. The lake was full of wildlife. It was the perfect place for a lumberjack, except for one thing. Vampires.

You see, it takes a big strong rugged man to be a lumberjack. You need to feel your strength all the time and keep it there by chopping trees and carrying heavy objects. Sometimes you also need to wrestle bears and wolves.

Lumberjack Paul had faced all kinds of dangers in the Yukon Territory, but he had not yet fought a vicious vampire. Things were about to change in that regard.

“What is it, Sandi?" he said.

She looked to the right. It was dark except for the stars, but the dog had heard something or sensed something.

Lumberjack Paul stood up and grabbed his sharpest axe.

In a flash something flew toward him. Sandi started barking ferociously.

Suddenly an angry vampire appeared in front of Lumberjack Paul.

“I’m going to suck your blood and kill you," it said.

Lumberjack Paul swung his axe and hit the vampire on its back, but the vampire didn’t seem to move.

Sandi jumped up to bite the vampire but the vampire caught the dog in midair.

“Is this your best friend?" asked the vampire. “A nice treat for me."

The vampire started to claw into the dog but Lumberjack Paul jumped into the vampire’s chest and slammed his rugged fists into the vampire’s teeth.

“You don’t talk to my dog like that.”

The vampire then lifted each of them in the air.

“Would you like to meet some hungry fire ants?" said the vampire as he tossed them fifty yards into an old decomposing oak tree.

Suddenly the fire ants were all over the bodies of Lumberjack Paul and his trusty dog.

Fire ants are an awful thing, especially fire ants that are agitated and starving.

“Oh, the suffering," mocked the vampire.

Lumberjack Paul thought of Maureen and the upcoming breakfast, the big mountain of pancakes with melted butter, sugary syrup, and big, juicy strawberries.

He grabbed his dog and then ran down and jumped into the lake. The water was bitter cold but it got rid of the fire ants.

The vampire followed them out there and waited for his chance.

“You know the plan," he said to his dog.

Sandi looked at her owner, shook off the water, and headed down the beach.

Lumberjack Paul ran over to his supply boat. He needed his throwing knives.

The vampire landed in the sand. “You are no match for me," it said.

Lumberjack Paul tossed the knives at the vampire who caught them out of the air with his hands.

“So easy," said the vampire. But then his hands started to melt. “No, no."

Lumberjack Paul had soaked those knives with garlic.

Soon Sandi came running back with five sharp wooden stakes in her mouth.

Lumberjack Paul took them and pierced the vampire’s heart with them over and over. Soon the vampire died and his body disintegrated.

Lumberhack Paul and his trusty dog Sandi left the lake and headed for home.

“Smells wonderful,” he said to Maureen after he walked inside the cabin.

“I haven’t started cooking yet," she replied.

“I meant you.”

Lumberjack Paul carried his wife Maureen upstairs where a hot bath was waiting for both of them.

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